mechabre asked: name change anon: when i started feeling dysphoric over my name, I switched it to something starting with the same letter. it'll help it stick with more people when you ask them to call you by it.
For the anon who asked about how other non-binary people have chosen their names: I chose mine, Nils, because I specifically wanted a male name that cannot be mistaken for a female one. I didn’t want any short forms like Charlie or Nick that can be short for Charlotte/Nicole, and I didn’t want any ‘unisex’ names because I knew that people, looking at me, would always assume me to be a woman, and I wanted to give them a definite sign that I’m not. I thought that only a clearly, unambiguously male name would challenge other people’s assumtions about my gender.
At least, that was my consideration. I think a lot of other non-binary people may prefer a more ambiguous name, and that’s obviously just as awesome. <3
Another consideration was length: I chose a one-syllable name so people could use it instead of a pronoun when not sure. (I’m german and we have no singular they or anything).
I hope this helped some!
Anonymous asked: I'm AFAB and have a very common and "female" associated name, and while I am not entirely where on the trans* spectrum I fit apart from distinctly non-binary, I want to go about changing my name. I was wondering what other non-binary folks' process was for picking a new name? Did you go with a "gender neutral" name, a male one? Something else? Definitely struggling to pick the right one -- but I don't want people to constantly assume I'm female b/c of my name...
Beck here,
Speaking for myself, I just chopped off the edges of “rebecca”. I wanted a neutral sounding name. Some people look for an entirely different name, some choose a name that is phonetically similar to theirs but is gendered differently “mitchel” vs. “michelle”.
I would recommend looking at baby naming websites for name ideas. If you’re looking for something to aid you in reading as non-dfab I would probably go with a masculine trending name. Remember, it doesn’t have to be the right name first try! It’s perfectly acceptable to try on names and discard the ones that don’t fit.
Anonymous asked: Hi! I grew up identifying myself as female and that's also how I'm perceived by people around me. However, even though I usually like being feminine, there are days when I can't stand the idea of people considering me as female, and i just wish they would use gender neutral pronouns (which is hard, 'cause they don't really exist in my language). As I said, though, this only happens once in a while, which confuses me: is this worth addressing? Is there a "label" for this? Thanks in advance
Beck here,
A possible label may be “gender fluid”. This is a term for people whose experience of their gender shifts. Some people shift day to day (as I do) or hour to hour, month to month, or year to year.
It is perfectly alright to feel this way. Femme doesn’t necessarily mean female, and being comfortable being read as female doesn’t necessarily make you a girl. Identity is not the same thing as presentation, and they don’t always correlate.
You may also want to look into neutrois (neutral gendered), androgyne (some people use this label to mean neutral gendered, others use it to mean mix-gendered, a gender between man and woman OR a completely separate third gender), and agender (experience of no gender).
Anonymous asked: Do you agree that there is only male and female gender? Like your biological sex? This girl in my class says that she was 'born' non binary and that she is going to get surgery to make her 'true' gentilia (she says she is going to covering it with skin, therefore not having a vagina or a penis).
Beck here,
I’m not sure what you mean. There are more genders than male and female. Lots more. So no, I don’t agree with that bit.
There is also no such beast as biological sex, it’s actually impossible to consistently define.
There are more types of genitalia than penises and vulvas. In cases where genitalia are ambiguous at birth, individuals are often identified as intersex. Practically speaking, there is an infinite variety of possible physical characteristics with regards to genitalia and these parts do not fit into a neat binary.
It is possible to be born non-binary and to have the perception of non-binary gender from birth. This blog deals specifically with gender issues. I cannot speak for the intersex community as I was dyadically identified at birth (my birth certificate has a little [and incorrect] F on it). I also can’t speak for your classmate. If their gender experience leads them to obtain surgical correction, that’s perfectly fine and dandy. They are allowed to remake their body to make themselves more comfortable.
I would like to ask you to use their pronouns, if they have identified their pronouns to you. It sounds like your classmate is not cis and they may not appreciate being referred to with female pronouns.
anenormousschwanzstucker asked: In reference to the question about family terms: yeah, the English language kind of screws us over that way. I have two suggestions: for aunt/uncle/niece/nephew, you could use "cousin," because in a more general sense it means a relative not in your immediate family. Or, you could use (if, for example, your aunt or uncle was introducing you) my brother's child, my sister's kid. Or the other way around: my father's sibling, my mother's sibling.
Also this!
Anonymous asked: I was curious as to what language/terminology non-binary people would use to describe their family relationships (assuming they have ones which they still refer to), as in how do you refer to yourself/prefer to be referred to in relation to the siblings of your parents and/or the children of your siblings? I can think of alternate terms for I think every other family relationship except aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews.
Beck here,
For myself, I am my parent’s child, my sibling’s sibling, my aunt’s nephew, my cousin’s cousin—etc.
In relation to my children, I am planning on being known by my first name. Same with my brother’s kids.
Anyone else have suggestions?
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isitorderorisitchaos asked: Taylor, Skyler, I think maybe some spelling or another of Andi (Andy?) and Sammy (Sammi? Sammie?). Robin. There's probably other nature names as well, but I can't think of any right now...
Oh, I like Robin and Skyler a lot.
obstinategenesis asked: Not sure how helpful this is, but for a truly genderless name you might have to get creative and make one yourself. Nicknames like Biff or Red that do already exist might be a good direction to go in, or you could do what I did for chosen middle/surnames and search through latin (or another language but try to avoid appropriating one you're not part of) word lists for something that sounds right and has a meaning you like.
Also a very good idea!
canisidiosyncratica asked: I was wondering if you wonderful mods and other non-binaries following this blog could help me out? I'm searching far and wide for GENDERLESS names, and there is alot of understanding among people that genderless means unisex, or androgynous. In that it could be 'either'. But in a world where girl and boy aren't the only genders, those names don't speak to me at all. I really want to compile a list of genderless, sort of blank gender names. Even to the point of sounding like aliases. Help??
For myself, I like
Beck (hey that’s me)
Danny
Sam
Charlie
Shawn
Griffin
Cameron
Which is all I could think of off of the top of my head. Help us out, queers?
Anonymous asked: I've never really identified with the female or male gender, but until this past couple of months, I've never minded being perceived as "female." Now I can't stand it. I discovered the existence of non-binary genders and feel much more comfortable under the "genderqueer" umbrella. However: I always hear stories from trans* people about how they "always knew" they were transgender. Does it make me a bad trans* person to not have always felt this way?
No, people always come to their process at different points. There is some shaming in the trans community about people who don’t fit that narrative, but it is not a universal thing and you are perfectly legitimate no matter how old you are before you realize what feels comfortable.
Anonymous asked: Hello, this is a difficult question and I don't know how to word it so I don't offend anyone but if I do - it's unintentional. I want to ask for advice, my friend has come out as bigender, there are days she feels as she and days when he's a he (and wants male/female pronouns based on that, so this week he's been a he so I'm going to address him that). But the thing is, I can't tell by presentation alone or the way he acts. And I think asking would be offensive, right?
(continued): I absolutely don’t disregard him as a boy and as a girl but now that I know, should I treat her differently and him differently? I’ve never been big on the traditional gender roles and stereotypes, I’m a male but join my female friends watching rom coms and painting nails. I also go out for buddy nights to watch football and drink beer. I’m afraid I may hurt him unintentionally. Would it be downright rude to ask him what he expects and needs? I just want him to treat with all respect I can give. And again, if phrased something wrong please correct me so I don’t repeat the offense - I’m new to this and it’s only my obligation to be educated.
It isn’t rude to ask. Have an open conversation about what he wants when and what your role can look like in that. /let him know you respect him and his fluidity and you’re asking so you can be as respectful and validating as possible.
superawesomephoenix asked: You said you had lost track of the other mods - are you looking for any new mods?
Beck here,
Honestly, I’d love to have some help but I need to work out some sort of criteria, you know? I run with queer people of all stripes and some of them, though I love them dearly, couldn’t run a blog like this because they give terrible advice or aren’t educated on their shit or something. It’s a daunting prospect. But yeah if you’d like to help out, send in your qualifications and/or link me to something you’ve written on queer issues either societal or personal, or tell me the experiences you’ve had that make you a good pick. All off anon, of course. I’ll check out your blog and we’ll see. I may not get back to anybody in a reasonable timeframe though, fair warning.
The thing is…I’ve only been involved in this blog since the summer but it’s already super important to me. I’m helping people in a very real way and I don’t want to lead them astray. I want to know who I’d be trusting you all with.
