AANB: dedicated to answering questions about nonbinary or genderqueer identities.

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Anonymous asked:
(1/2)Hi... I didnt really know where to ask or if its okay to ask but i'm starting to wonder if i may be somewhere on the genderqueer spectrum? I currently identify as a demi-homoromantic asexual cis female but ive never felt right being feminine.

(2/2)The more androgynous i am the more comfortable i feel. I dont know if this is just me being a non-feminine lady or a non binary person. I never really felt like a girl other than being told i was one and had to act as such, and i would be totally comfortable as something boyish or agendered. and i feel really conflicted for already having so many invisible identities and i dont want to identify as nonbinary until i know for sure.

The thing is, there’s basically no way to know for sure. You’re nonbinary if you feel like you are, and/or you feel it would be useful to identify that way. 

The experience you’re describing to me sounds like it could fall into either category. So, do you feel you’re better off being an unconventional woman or a nonbinary person?

Like, it’s okay to feel ‘meh’ about the thing, and if you do agender may be a useful term for you, or perhaps cis-by-default

—Beck

Anonymous asked:
I'm very conflicted because the only pronouns I'm comfortable with have different forms for object/possessive (I think that's what I mean? idk they're fon/fen/fenna/fenself as opposed to like fon/fen/fen or fon/fons/fons) and I've seen people w/ learning disablities say that having different forms for those makes them harder to remember. my brother + mom both have learning disabilities and they've been supportive with pronouns thus far but this is the first time this has come up and I'm worried?

I feel like you will be able to reach an accommodation with people in your life

Everything I’ve seen written by people who actually have learning disabilities (and my experience with my own) tells me that while somebody may need extra accommodations for learning your pronouns, it’s very possible. 

Lots of people without learning disabilities are running around crying #ableism, but most of what I’ve seen is simply poorly-hidden transphobia + the typical bullshit you get about having words that you like. 

So I would talk to your brother and your mom about the thing, and see if it’s possible / what they need to make this happen for you.

—Beck

Anonymous asked:
i think how you did your mod pages was actually really cool

Nick is both a goddess and a wizard and all praises for the theme go directly to them

—Beck

Anonymous asked:
what do you think of the word enby?

I hated it with a burning passion at first but I have to admit it’s growing on me.

It’s kind of a diminutive though so I wouldn’t advise applying it as a blanket term.

—Beck

Anonymous asked:
this might be a rly obvious question but i was wondering if this blog is to help out nonbinary/questioning peeps or if it's also okay for binary people who are confused abt something regarding nb's to come here as well? i can't rly tell if it's like a support blog for nb's or if it's an education blog (and i know you aren't polite to bigots thats good keep doing that)/all of the above and would be okay to like. refer people to as a resource?

Well, this blog sort of started out as an educational blog, and for a while after I took it over from the previous mods I got so few questions that it was a answer-every-ask-I-get-in-great-detail blog

My current position is that this is above all a safe space for nonbinary folks, and a place to ask me stuff so you don’t go around pestering other nonbinary folks who have not volunteered for education and I certainly give out a ton of information. 

I am perfectly fine if binary people and/or cis people want to come here to learn things or ask questions provided shit is done respectfully. You are welcome here so long as you are respectful of the space and while I can no longer get to every question in the inbox, your question has just as fair a chance of being answered as anybody else’s. 

—Beck

Anonymous asked:
I had a nightmare last night where I dreamt I was trying really hard to pass as a cis dude (I'm dfab) at a big military camp thing. I was found out by my roommate and then I woke up, and it took me over an hour to calm down from the anxiety. I normally don't put much stock into dreams but d'you think this means I might be a guy rather than nonbinary?

Short answer: Only if you do. I don’t think there’s any amount of self-examination that is going to be “too much” and hey, if you re-examine yourself and decide that you’re actually a guy that’s perfectly fine.

Long answer: My personal religious and spiritual beliefs definitely fall in the “weird” or at least “very unusual” category, but I can tell you what I know

Dreams are the subjective experience of your brain cells running maintenance while you sleep. While you’re unconscious your cells run around consolidating memories and doing repair and making sure things are functioning and what’s going on inside your head is largely not reflective of the outside world (unlike when you’re awake, and receiving inputs from the outside world which get translated and processed by your brain). Upon waking, your brain basically scrambles to form a coherent narrative from all the stimulation it’s been getting while you slept, and that’s what you perceive as a dream. 

Whether or not they “mean” anything is up to you. Lots of the modern ideas about dream analysis and stuff in my culture is irrevocably tainted by Freud, who was very creepy and very wrong and very bad at research. 

But like, the case can be made that what you read into that weird pattern of stimulation is tied to your wishes and thoughts and things that are deeply you, or something. So make your own judgements.

—Beck

Anonymous asked:
Xylophone based: xy/xyl/xyself

I really like these and I’m publishing this because I really like these and they will be added to the list when it’s next updated and

I really like these holy shit thank you so much for sending them in

—Beck

Anonymous asked:
i have heard of a "dan" pronoun, but i'm not sure what the other [possessive, reflexive, etc.] forms are...help? i feel like that one really fits me but it's been hard finding info on it...would you know anything about it??

I am not familiar

If I had to sketch it out on the spot I’d think it’d be something like dan/dan/dans/danself

Does that sound right/acceptable to you?

—Beck

Anonymous asked:
Everyone keeps using the wrong pronouns with me, and it's getting so so frustrating, no matter how many times I tell them they won't use the correct ones? What do I do?

Get a spray bottle, douse them with water every time they fuck up

—Beck

Anonymous asked:
Sorry if this is offensive or wrong, but as a gender neutral girl/boy do I also fit into the trans category being that I do identify as a gender that I was not assigned? Or are they still two totally different things?

Trans is an umbrella term for people who do not identify as the gender they were handed at birth 

So if you feel that (which you’ve said you do) you get access to the word trans

If you have a gender experience that stands outside of a singular, binary gender then you also get access to the terms nonbinary and genderqueer

So yes, your experience “counts”, and you can use these words if you want to

—Beck

Anonymous asked:
Ah hi im here for a friend I was wondering if u had the list of gender neutral terms for a romantic partner on hand?if not thats fine but I thought id ask u

I totally do not but off the top of my head

  • partner
  • datemate
  • person-friend
  • [pronoun]-friend (i.e. xirfriend, faefriend)
  • main squeeze

—Beck

Anonymous asked:
Do you ever have any trouble getting physicals/exams from a doctor? I find that sometimes the nurse is confused because I'm dressed a certain way (mostly androgynous) and my forms say that I'm biologically male.

Yes. I have encountered confusion and horror although because I’m not out to my doctors I catch way more shit for being mentally ill / having chronic pain.

—Beck

kereke asked:
Hi! I really love your blog. Recently I discovered that I'm not cis (since i started using different pronouns than she/her/hers/herself, but I have trouble defining what I really am. Sometimes, I feel like a boy, sometimes like a girl, and sometimes like nothing at all. I did a little research, and now I'm stuck between genderfluid and demi-girl. So, I was wondering if you could help me out a bit?

The good news is you can totally be both! I don’t know if that’s helpful to you. The sometimes-one-thing-sometimes-another is an experience that I would describe as genderfluid, and matches my experience of genderfluidity, but if demigirl also feels right you get to use that word too.

—Beck

Anonymous asked:
As a non-binary trans* I'm concerned about the replies to some of these asks. Sorry to be so critical, but your answers seem to be far too defensive and biased. Please understand that some people legitimately come to blogs like this to educate themselves, some don't have much or any exposure to trans* issues. Using cissexism and calling anyone with a conflicting opinion a bigot is only perpetuating a negative image of queer and non-binary people and furthering the oppression you say you fight

Believe me when I say, from the very bottom of my heart

Go fuck yourself and while you’re at it refrain from putting tone policing bullshit in my inbox ever again

I give neither mercy nor kindness to bigots, and bigotry is not a difference of “opinion”

Bite me

—Beck

Anonymous asked:
I came to the conclusion today that I'm agender, but I have two problems. 1) How do I choose pronouns and which? Super confused. 2) How on earth do I tell my friends? They don't like the idea of nb pronouns/any pronouns other than she/he/they/it so I'm screwed.

1) You can choose a pronoun set(s) that appeal to you aesthetically, or feel comfy, or you feel accurately represent some portion of your identity, or anything really. I recommend trying them on for size, and know that you can use multiple sets, or switch sets. 

2a) Get better friends

2b) In the event that 2a is not possible/desirable for you, prepare yourself to spend the next six months to a year beating them over the head with your identity and the fact that it’s real and true and needs to be respected. Unfortunately there is basically no easy or pleasant way to come out to bigots. I wish you luck.

—Beck

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